I’ve already posted this picture before, but today seems like a good day to put it up again. Life has been busy lately what with the holidays, work, having a bad cold/flu, and such. And then this morning I went to the dentist which wasn’t the most exciting. I checked the mail on my way home because we hadn’t gotten it since late last week as we went to eastern Washington for Christmas.
I found out my dad died this morning. There was a plain manilla envelope with a copy of his death certificate and some paperwork about being his beneficiary from a retirement account. There was also a ticket for a certified letter to pick up. When I got it, I discovered it was a copy of his will that he had updated in March. He didn’t just take me out of it, he made sure to include me, and to state that I was to get nothing. His whole estate goes to his partner/son Ed. Did I mention that he adopted Ed about ten years ago as an adult?
I’m not bitter about the money. We had a falling out last spring, and I’m not surprised if he wanted what he had to go to Ed. I’m upset because he still had the power to hurt me, even in death. He was a complicated man, and most people only saw his jovial public persona. This side of him was warm and wonderful. I, however, also got to witness firsthand his other side. He was a very emotionally, and sometimes physically, abusive man. Both to my mother, and myself.
I regret that things ended with him the way they did, just as I wish that when I was fourteen and my mother died, that he would have been a stronger, better parent to me. I am angry, sad, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, and mournful. This will take some time to come to terms with. But I know I’ll be okay.
This is probably the only way his story could have ended. I wish it didn’t have to be a tragedy.